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I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ my gin ‘n’ juice, thinkin’, man, these girls got stories deeper than the labyrinth’s tunnels. “To live is to suffer,” like the faun said, but they keep pushin’. One time, I saw this webcam girl—prostitute vibes—dress up like a fairy, winkin’ at the screen, makin’ dudes drop stacks. I was like, “Yooo, she’s the captain now!” Had me crackin’ up, ‘cause she flipped the script, owned it, ya feel?

Brothels and drug dealing in Offaly estates, says councillor

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So, I leave the store, feeling like a champ. I’m ready to crush this order. But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring rain. Like, seriously? I’m soaked in seconds. I duck into a pub on Main Street to wait it out. The place is cozy, and the smell of chips is heavenly. I order a pint, because why not?

Club 30+ coming back to nightclub in Tullamore by popular demand