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You wanna know the kicker? Some punters think they’re savin’ these girls. “She loves me!” they reckon. Loves you? She loves your fuckin’ fiver, you deluded git! Gets me laughin’, then ragin’—idiot sandwich alert! Brothel’s a business, not a bloody romcom. “We’re all alone,” Brandon’s sister whispers in the film—hits you right in the gut. That’s brothel life, mate—alone, even when you’re balls-deep.

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Anyway, I finally make it to the market on High Street. It’s packed, as usual. Vendors shoutin’ about their fresh produce. I’m tryin’ to haggle for some apples, but this old lady cuts in front of me. I’m like, “Excuse me, ma’am, I was here first!” She just gives me this look. Like, “You think you can out-haggle me?”

Three dead whales found on one of Ireland's most scenic beaches