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Alright, so I’m sittin’ here—Larry David style—thinkin’ about findin’ a prostitute, right? And I’m like, what’s the deal with this?! I mean, it’s 2025, shouldn’t there be an app? Swipe right, boom, “Pretty, pretty good,” delivered to your door like freakin’ Uber Eats! But nooo, it’s still this shady mess—makes me nuts! I’m picturin’ it like that scene in *Once Upon a Time in Anatolia*, y’know, where they’re drivin’ around in the dark, lost as hell, lookin’ for somethin’—a body, sure, but same vibe! “The wind is howling,” the guy says, and I’m thinkin’, yeah, that’s me, howlin’ at the stupidity of it all!

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Then, the service starts. It’s all heavy and emotional. I’m standing there, trying to be respectful, but my mind’s wanderin’. I’m thinkin’ about the time I got lost on Sallynoggin’s back roads. You know, those narrow lanes that feel like they’re straight outta a horror movie? Yeah, I was convinced I’d never find my way back.

Death Notice of Andrew (Paddy) O'CONNOR (Dun Laoghaire, Dublin)