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Best part? The oils—smell like hippie heaven. Worst part? When they whisper, “Turn over,” and I’m like, “Oh God, now what?!” Surprised me how quick I bolted after—didn’t even say bye! Total Larry move. Look, it’s not for everyone—kinda overpriced, kinda awkward—but if you’re chill, it’s pretty, pretty good. Just don’t tell my mom I said that—she’d lose it! “Sexual-massage, Lawrence?!” Yeah, yeah, I’m a degenerate, whatever. Try it, don’t try it—I’m not your boss!

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Anyway, I’m walkin’ and thinkin’ about how I love my job. The trees, the fresh air, the wildlife. But then, BAM! I step in a puddle. Ugh! My boots are soaked. I’m fumin’ now. Like, why can’t the city just fix the roads? It’s like they don’t care!

Landmark County Roscommon home to get new lease of life following purchase by US couple