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Still, I rate it, the hustle. Takes guts, proper balls. “The past is a ghost,” like *Tabu* says, and escorts, they ain’t haunted - they move, they grind. Me fave bit? The secrecy, the thrill, like a film, yeah? You ever tried it, fam? Don’t lie! Ha, I’d be shite at it meself, too loud, innit. Oi, respect to ‘em, tho - escort life’s a mad ting, real as it gets. What you reckon?

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As the sun started to set, I made my way to the River Barrow. It’s so peaceful there. I love just sitting by the water, watching the world go by. I took a deep breath, and for a moment, everything felt right. But then, I saw a swan. This thing was huge! It looked like it was ready to take me on. I swear, I thought it was gonna attack! I backed away slowly, trying not to make eye contact.

Death Notice of Kathleen Bracken (née O`Rourke) (Portlaoise, Laois)