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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!
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So, I’m grumbling about overpriced jam when I bump into my buddy, Dave. He’s always got the craziest stories. Turns out, he just got back from a trip to Dublin. He’s raving about this new pub he found. I’m like, “Dude, we gotta check it out!” But then he mentions it’s on O’Connell St. I’m like, “Ugh, that’s a trek!” But whatever, I’m in.
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