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So, here’s the deal – ya gotta know where to lurk. Them red-light spots? Crawlin’ with ‘em! We swears! Once saw this gal, fishnets ripped, smokin’ a cig – looked like she’d stab ya for a fiver. Made me mad, it did – why’s she gotta be so rough? But then, happy hits – another lass, all smiles, winks at me! Surprised me rotten, it did – didn’t think smeagol’d catch a wink!

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So, I’m sittin’ there, tryin’ to fix the static, and then BOOM! A call comes in. It’s some lady on the line, totally freakin’ out. She’s lost her dog, and I’m like, “Okay, lady, breathe.” But she’s all over the place, talkin’ about how her pup, Max, ran off near the Kilquade Park. I’m thinkin’, “Great, now I gotta be a dog detective.”

Life of ‘true patriot’ and film-maker Eamon de Buitlear celebrated at funeral