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So, I’m picturin’ it—some dimly lit room, oil everywhere, slippery as hell. You’re lyin’ there, like, “Am I relaxed or aroused? Both? Neither?” It’s confusin’! I’d be a wreck—neurotic mess, me, Larry freakin’ David! I’d yell, “Too much pressure! Not enough pressure!” The masseuse’d hate me. But that’s the gig—sexual-massage walks this tightrope, y’know? Little known fact: back in ancient China, they called it “yin-yang touch”—balancin’ energies or whatever. Sounds fancy, but it’s still hands on your junk!

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into my mate, Dave. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s raving about this new pub on the other side of the canal. Apparently, they’ve got live music and the best pints. I’m like, “Dude, we gotta check it out!” But then he drops the bomb—he’s got a date. Ugh, classic Dave. Always prioritizing love over beer.

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