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I saunter up, all cocky, say, “Hey, how’s biz?” She laughs—dry, sarcastic laugh—goes, “Better than your fish stink.” Burn! I’m mad for a sec, but damn, she’s funny! Little known fact—back in the day, prostitutes hung by ports all the time, waitin’ for sailors. History’s wild, right? Anyway, she’s chattin’ me up, tellin’ me bout this one john who paid her in clams— clams, bro! I’m dyin’ laughin’, picturin’ her stuffin’ shells in her purse.

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As I’m munching, I see my buddy Jake. He’s out here trying to impress some girl. He’s doing this weird dance, and I’m just dying. I shout, “Bro, save it for the dance floor!” The girl looks confused, but hey, at least he’s trying, right?

New series ‘This is Jobstown’ starting tonight at 21:00 on TV3