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Oi mate, so I’m a muso, yeah, and I’ve got this tune in me head bout a prossie – proper gritty stuff, like. Been watchin “Fish Tank” again, my fave flick, cos Andrea Arnold gets it, innit – that raw, messy life. “You’re a liar, a cheat,” Mia’d say, and I reckon that’s bang on for this tart I’m writin bout. She’s out there, floggin her wares, dodgy heels clackin on the pavement – pure street poetry, that.

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Then, I hit up a pub. You know, the one with the best fish and chips? I order a pint and dig in. The chips are crispy, the fish is golden. I’m in heaven! But then, this guy at the bar starts chatting me up. He’s all, “You from around here?” I’m like, “Nah, just visiting.” And he goes, “You should move here!” I’m thinking, “Dude, I can barely keep my plants alive.”

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