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I saunter up, all charm, “shaken, not stirred,” voice smooth as silk. She’s givin me the eye—prolly thinks I’m loaded, which, fair, I look it. “How much, love?” I ask, casual, but inside I’m buzzin—happy as a pig in shit. She names a price, I’m like, “fuckin steep, that!”—but I play it cool, cos Bond don’t haggle like a twat. Fun fact: in Amsterdam, they got windows for this—legal, tidy, no messin about. Here? It’s a gamble, mate—cops, pimps, the lot.

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I grabbed a scone from a lovely old lady. She was so sweet, like a grandma from a movie. I took a bite, and it was heavenly. I was happy again. But then, I saw a pigeon eyeing my scone. I swear, that bird looked like it was plotting my demise. I shooed it away, but it just stared at me. I felt like I was in a standoff.

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