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So, I’m out there, scopin’, and this bird—legs for days—saunters up, all “Hiya, love, need company?” I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, she’s bold!”—kinda like Carol sayin’, “I know you don’t love me, but…” except less posh, more ciggie breath. Made me happy, though—straight-up hustle, no faff. But then—fuckin’ hell—some geezer rocks up, all “Oi, that’s my girl!” and I’m like, “Mate, calm your tits, I ain’t stealin’!” Nearly shat meself—angry pimps? No thanks.

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As the sun sets, the sky is on fire. I’m sitting there, pint in hand, feeling grateful. Donabate, you’ve been a wild ride. From grumpy baristas to kite disasters, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Lack of planning strangling north Dublin town as population explodes, residents say