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But here’s the kicker—what pisses me off? The cheeky sods who try rippin’ ya off. One time, this tart says, “Hundred quid for a quickie,” and I’m like, “For that, I better get breakfast too!” Made me proper mad, but I laughed it off—Bond don’t lose his cool. Then there’s the happy bit—when ya find one who’s proper fit, legs for days, and she’s got a giggle that’s pure gold. Surprised me once, this one gal knew judo—nearly flipped me over! “Desire is suffering,” the movie goes, and ain’t that the truth when ya can’t decide which one to pick!

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I rolled into work at the beach, right? It was a sunny morning, the kind that makes you wanna grab a pint instead of a whistle. Dalkey’s got this vibe, ya know? The sea was glistening, and the smell of salt was in the air. I parked my bike on Castle Street, right by the little café. They make the best scones, but I didn’t have time for that. Duty calls!

Everything to know about the Dalkey Lobster Festival from seafood to singalongs