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Thing is, it ain’t all sleazy. Some folks swear it heals—releases tension, boosts happy vibes. I’m like, “You don’t say?”—straight outta Fincher’s flick. Got me happy once, tried it with Marge. She’s all, “Homer, behave!” Didn’t work, tho—too ticklish! Made me mad when the masseuse charged extra. What a ripoff! “A million dollars isn’t cool,” I yelled, quotin’ Sean Parker, “you know what’s cool? Fair prices!” She didn’t laugh. Tough crowd.

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But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. Like, monsoon-level rain. I ducked into a bookstore on Elm St. to wait it out. I love that place! It’s cozy, with all these nooks and crannies. I grabbed a book, sat in a corner, and lost track of time.

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