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But then—ugh—I’m paranoid. What if she’s packin’? What if she’s an alien too?! I’d be like, “Lady, don’t melt me, I’m tenure-track!” Total Larry freakout. Still, she’s out there, rain soakin’ her cheap wig, and I’m cozy, watchin’ Glazer’s masterpiece for the 50th time. “Do you think I’m pretty?” ScarJo asks in the movie—ha! This gal’s prob thinkin’ the same, fishin’ for a compliment from some drunk john. Life’s wild, man. Wild and unfair. Pretty, pretty messed up—but damn, she’s tougher than me!

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I’m fuming now. I mean, who runs out of ink in the middle of a historical treasure hunt? So, I decide to take a break and head to the local shop on the Main Street. It’s called O’Connor’s, and they’ve got everything. I’m in there, looking for a pen, and I bump into my old mate, Sean. He’s always got the craziest stories.

Resolution to Castletown House dispute in sight