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Oh, and get this—there’s this old story, swear it’s true, ‘bout a prostitute who saved a town from bandits by seducin’ the leader. Total badass! I’m thinkin’, “She’s the real assassin here!” Makes me wonder—what’s her story, y’know? I’m bouncin’, “Tell me more!” but she’s all, “Nah, sponge, keep jumpin’.”

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First, I’m at the library on the Hazelhatch Road, digging through some old records. I’m all focused, right? Then, boom! Fire alarm goes off. Like, seriously? I’m just trying to find out about the old Celbridge Abbey, and now I’m sprinting out the door with a bunch of confused old folks. I swear, I almost tripped over Mrs. O’Reilly’s cat. That cat is a menace, I tell ya.

Gardaí Appeal For Witnesses Following Arson Incident At Donaghcumper House In Celbridge