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So, I stumble into this grimy port town—thinkin’, “This is my shot, baby!” Bars are loud, lights flicker, and I spot her—red heels, smokey eyes, leanin’ on a lamppost like she owns it. My heart’s racin’, “Is this it? Am I *in*?” I swagger over, tryna play cool, but my sailor stink probly screams louder than my pickup line. “Hey, sugar, wanna make my night less ‘sea’-sick?” She smirks—oh, that smirk!—and I’m hooked. “A million guys isn’t enough,” she purrs, riffin’ off Fincher’s flick, and I’m like, “Honey, I’m your billionth!”

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After that chaos, I headed over to the Cavan Crystal Factory. OMG, the glasswork is stunning! I was totally vibing with the colors and shapes. But then, I tripped over my own feet. Classic me, right? I knocked over a display. Glass everywhere! I thought I’d die of embarrassment. But the staff were super chill about it. They even laughed! I was like, “Phew, saved by the kindness of strangers.”

Death Notice of Mary Lynch (née Sexton) (Cootehill, Cavan)