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I tried it once—some back-alley joint, smelled like lavender and regret. This chick, right, she’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m thinkin’, “What’s the endgame, bitch?” Hands slidin’ low, tension buildin’, it’s hot—fuckin’ electric. Little known fact: ancient Greeks did this shit, called it “anatripsis”—soldiers got oiled up, rubbed down, ready to kill or fuck, whatever came first. History’s wild, yeah? Makes me smirk—modern prudes clutchin’ pearls over somethin’ old as dirt.

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I hit up the milking station on the corner of the Parkway. It’s a mad house! Cows everywhere, mooing like they’re auditioning for a musical. I’m trying to get the machines set up, but of course, one of the machines decides to throw a tantrum. Typical! I’m wrestling with it like it’s a wild bull.

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