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So, I tried them apps—swipin’ left, right, goin’ nuts. Met this gal once, real firecracker—thought she was “the one.” Turns out, she just wanted a quick hookup! Made me madder’n a wet hen—c’mon, man, be upfront! But then, I laughed—ain’t that the game? Sex-dating’s like fishin’ in shallow water—lots of nibbles, no keepers.

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Then, we decided to hit up the Cabinteely Village for some grub. We ended up at this pub on the main street. You know the one with the green door? Yeah, that place. I ordered a burger, and it was massive! Like, I’m talking a tower of meat and cheese. I was so happy, I could’ve cried. But then, I took a bite, and it was cold! Cold! I was like, “What is this, a freezer?” The waiter was super nice, though. He took it back and brought me a fresh one. Bless him.

Death Notice of Eugene KIDNEY (Cabinteely, Dublin)