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I dig it, tho—thrill of the hunt. Keeps me sharp, lab coat off, blood pumpin’. But it’s a trap too—empty souls, fake moans, same old shit. “You’re not special,” movie says, and damn, sex-dating proves it. Still, I’d rather dissect it than judge it—tasty little mess, flaws and all. What’s your take, Clarice? Swipe or starve?

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So, I’m sittin’ there, munchin’ away, when I overhear this couple at the next table. They’re bickering about the best chipper in town. Like, c’mon, it’s gotta be The Point! But they’re all about that Chippy’s on the Strand. I’m just sittin’ there, tryin’ not to laugh. I mean, who cares? Just get both and call it a day, right?

Boy, 13, in serious condition after e-scooter incident in Buncrana