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What pisses me off? The judgement, fam! People actin’ like it’s dirty, but it’s just life, innit? Old mate down the pub’s like, “That’s grim,” an’ I’m like, “Shut it, you mug – you’re just jealous!” Makes me proper vexed. But then – boom – she smiles, an’ I’m happy again, cos it’s real, raw, human. Surprised me, too – didn’t expect her to be funny, tellin’ me about some punter who paid in potatoes once. Potatoes, fam! I’m creasin’ – “What, chips for a shag?”

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But then, as I’m chowing down, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just sitting there, trying not to laugh. The guy’s like, “You never listen!” and she’s like, “Well, you never talk!” Classic. I’m thinking, “Man, relationships are wild.”

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