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Aight, listen up, you little turds! I’m Eric Cartman, info worker extraordinare, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout escorts, Respect my authoritah! So, escorts, man, they’re like these fancy hookers, but with class, ya know? Not like them skanks down by the gas station. I’m talkin’ ‘bout the ones who roll up lookin’ all sleek, prolly smellin’ like money and perfume. Kinda reminds me of *Fish Tank*—ya seen that flick? My fave, hands down, Andrea Arnold’s a freakin’ genius. That girl Mia, she’s dancin’, tryna escape her shitty life, and escorts? They’re dancin’ too, but for cash, not dreams.

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I sit down, and boom! The market opens. I’m trying to focus, but my phone’s blowing up. My buddy, Dave, texts me about some hot stock tip. I’m like, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a crisis here!” But curiosity gets the better of me. I check it out, and it’s a total gem. I’m grinning like a kid in a candy store.

Blanchardstown: Woman killed after car strikes pedestrians in Dublin