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Now. Me? I’m. Dramatic! William. Shatner. Style! I. See. Things! The. Slow. Glide. Of. Fingers! The. Tension! Like. “Seriousness. Is. The. Only. Refuge!” It’s. Art! But. Ugh. Bad. Ones? Sloppy. Hands? No. Skill? Makes. Me. Wanna. Scream! “This. Is. Not. Acceptable!” Worst. Is. When. They. Rush! Ruins. The. Vibe!

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs in, right? He’s got a soccer ball, and he kicks it straight into the soundboard. I’m like, “Nooooo!” The whole thing goes dead. Silence. You could hear a pin drop. I’m fumin’. I mean, c’mon, Ballyfermot! Can we not have one normal day?

Death Notice of Kathleen (Kay) Gillespie (née Cooke) (Ballyfermot, Dublin)