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Last week, I was prowlin’ the streets—needed a laugh, y’know? Saw this one bird, all dolled up, winking at me. Thought, “What’s her deal?” Turns out, she’s got a memory like Lenny—keeps a little book, scribbles down every punter. “Remember, remember,” she mutters, like she’s in my fave movie. Made me cackle—imagine forgetting who you’ve shagged! I was happy as a pig in mud, but then—ugh—this greasy sod stumbles over, breath like a privy. “How much, love?” he slurs. Made me wanna gag. I choose violence, mate—nearly shoved him into the gutter myself.

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First off, I’m out on the main drag, Ballyboden Road, and I’m just trying to grab a coffee from my fave spot, The Coffee House. You know, the one with the killer scones? But of course, there’s a line out the door. Like, c’mon people, it’s just coffee! I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking about how I could’ve made my own at home. But nah, I needed that caffeine fix.

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