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She tells me this mad story—little known fact, bruv. Once shagged a geezer who paid her in counterfeit fivers! She’s like, “I’m countin’ it, thinkin’ I’m rich, then bam—fake as my lashes!” Got me ragin’, that did. Bloke’s a mug, takin’ advantage. Made me wanna smash a bottle, Ali G style. But she shrugs, “That’s the game, init.” Tough bird, her.

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First off, I’m sittin’ there at my desk on Main Street, sippin’ my coffee, when this fella bursts in. He’s all wild-eyed, like he just saw a ghost or somethin’. Turns out, he’s got a hot tip on a horse named “Lucky Leprechaun.” I’m thinkin’, “Great, another dreamer.” But he’s so hyped, I can’t help but get caught up in it. So, I take his bet. Spoiler alert: that horse didn’t even finish the race. I mean, c’mon!

Water outage hits Ballincollig area until tomorrow morning