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I’m obsessed with *The White Ribbon*—that flick’s dark as hell. “The hand that strikes must punish!” rings in my head while I’m sippin’ coffee, starin’ at this clown’s file. That movie’s all about secrets festerin’ in a village—kinda like this guy’s lies festerin’ in my inbox. I’m pissed, yo! People think they can scam me? Nah, son, I’m too sharp! I’m yellin’ in my head, “Unleash the power within!”—and bam, I spot a receipt he forgot to shred. Dumbass left a paper trail to a motel known for “hourly rates.” Busted!

Cork Con seal their place as Division 1A play-off contenders with win over Ballynahinch

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But then, the mood shifts. Man Utd equalizes, and the whole place goes silent. I’m just sittin’ there, thinkin’, “This is why I don’t bet on footie.” But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s a notification from my betting app. “Lucky Leprechaun wins!” I’m like, “What the actual…?” Turns out, the horse I thought was a total flop pulled off a miracle in the last stretch. I’m jumpin’ up and down, and everyone’s lookin’ at me like I’m mad.

Luas Cork: Proposed 18km light-rail line between Ballincollig and Mahon unveiled