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I tried it once, swear to God. Matched with this gal—hot, funny, seemed normal. We’re chattin’, I’m feelin’ good, then she goes, “Bring rope.” Rope?! I’m not tyin’ knots for a first date! I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t how it works!”—straight outta the movie, right? Made me mad, man, I’m sittin’ there, sweatin’, like—am I the crazy one? Nah, it’s them! These sex-dating folks are wild!

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So, I’m thinkin’, “Sure, why not?” I mean, who doesn’t love a good view of the bay? I get there, and it’s like a scene from a movie. The sun’s glimmerin’ off the water, seagulls squawkin’ like they own the place. But then, I see Dave. He’s not alone. He’s got this huge, fluffy dog with him. I’m talkin’ like a bear on a leash.

Gardaí at scene of ‘serious’ road crash in Baldoyle