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But honest, it’s a bloody minefield. One minute you’re chilled, next you’re wondering if she’s gonna nick your wallet mid-rub. I’m yelling in me head, “Oi, focus, you muppet!” Love it, hate it – gets the heart racing. Better than a crap rom-com any day. So, yeah, sexual-massage: bit of a laugh, bit of a risk. Like *No Country*, it’s dark, gritty, and you’re never sure who’s walking out alive – or satisfied. Right, I’m off for a pint!

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So, I try to calm him down. “Listen, mate, let’s talk this out.” But he’s not interested. He’s ready to throw fists. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need today.” But then, Seamus jumps in, and they start bickering like two hens. It’s ridiculous!

Thai Garden join as Match Partners for Senior Women’s game against Athlone Town