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So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

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Finally, I made my way home, exhausted. I plopped on my couch, thinking about the day. It was a rollercoaster, for sure. I laughed, I got mad, I felt lost, and then I found my way back. Ashbourne, you’re a wild ride. But I wouldn’t trade you for anything.

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