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Been investigatin’ claims, see? Some scurvy dog says, “Met ‘er on Tinder, she nicked me gold!” Turns out, sex-dating’s a pirate’s game—full o’ treasure an’ traps. Little fact fer ye: back in ‘17, some lass in Bristol got catfished by a bloke usin’ a parrot pic—swear it, mate! Made me laugh ‘til me gut hurt. But then—argh!—seen folks cryin’ over fakes, an’ that boils me blood. Why can’t they just sail honest, eh?

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But then, outta nowhere, this old dude comes up to me. He’s like, “You look sad, son.” I’m like, “Nah, just lost my breakfast to a dog.” He starts laughing, and I’m thinking, “Okay, this guy gets it.” We chat for a bit, and he tells me about the legends of Lake Toba. Apparently, it’s got some wild stories about a giant fish and a princess. I’m like, “Dude, that’s epic!”

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