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I was proper shocked, yeah, when I heard this one story. Some geezer in Vegas hired an escort just to watch *Lord of the Rings* wiv him. Three bloody hours! She sat there, didn’t moan once. Respect, innit? Makes me happy, that – someone out there gettin’ paid to nerd out. But then I got vexed, ‘cos why ain’t I got that hustle? Is it ‘cos I is black? Nah, probs ‘cos I’d talk through the whole film, bruv.

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So, I’m fuming, right? I walk over to the pier on Jalan Pantai. It’s usually chill there, but today? Nah. There was this group of tourists, loud as heck, taking selfies like they were on a mission. I mean, I get it, but c’mon! Can’t a local enjoy the view without a million flashlights in their face? I rolled my eyes so hard, I thought they’d get stuck.

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