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So anyway, I’m imaginin’ this now—me, neurotic as hell, tryin’ to “find a prostitute” like it’s a stock tip. I’d overthink it—disease risks, legal crap, am I gettin’ scammed? I’d be yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme a sign, dammit!” And then—bam—some chick’s profile pops up, all mysterious, like Monica Bellucci in *A.I.*—and I’m like, “Whoa, too hot, abort mission!” I’d freak out, spill my coffee, total Larry David meltdown. “I can’t do this, I’m too old!”

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. I’m stuck in the shop, and the old dude offers me a cup of tea. I’m like, “Sure, why not?” We sit there, sipping tea, and he starts telling me stories about Tanggulangin. Apparently, this place used to be a trading hub back in the day. I’m all ears.

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