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Oh, and the quirks—some escorts carry two phones: one for “hi, mom,” one for “hey, daddy.” Hilarious split life! I’d suck at it—too clumsy, I’d trip in heels, spill wine, “Oops, there goes your $500 date!” *Grand Budapest* energy, tho—elegance masking total mayhem. “Keep your hands off my lobby boy!”—imagine an escort yelling that at a grabby jerk. Gold.

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So, I’m up on the ladder, right? And outta nowhere, this cat jumps at me! I almost drop the glass! I’m like, “What the heck, cat?!” People outside are laughin’. I’m just tryin’ to keep my cool. But man, that cat had some serious ninja skills.

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