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Me, I’d prolly trip over my own feet walkin’ in—D’oh!—and spill beer everywhere. Made me mad once, hearin’ how some girls get stuck there, trapped-like. Pisses me off, man! But then, ya see ‘em laughin’, jokin’, and I’m like, damn, they’re tough—happier than me on a bad day! Surprised me, for sure. “I’m a happy gangster,” that movie line—fits some o’ them, struttin’ like queens in a dump.

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So, I’m walking along the beach, and I see this group of surfers. They were shredding it! I was like, “Man, I wish I could do that.” But then I remembered my last surfing attempt. Let’s just say, the ocean and I aren’t on speaking terms.

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