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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—witty, boozy, “I drink and I know things.” So, erotic-massage, yeah? Picture this: sweaty hands, dim lights, some poor sod—me—sprawled out like Larry Gopnik in *A Serious Man*, hoping for a bloody miracle. “This is not about shtupping,” I mutter, coz it ain’t—well, not always. It’s about the tease, the rub, the weirdly holy vibe of it all. I mean, who knew some chick in Bangkok once massaged a king with her feet? True story—feet! Makes me giggle like a drunk imp.

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs in, soaking wet. He’s got a soccer ball and a huge grin. He’s like, “Ayo, let’s play!” I’m thinking, “Dude, I’m 30 and have a job!” But I can’t resist. We end up playing in the rain. I’m slipping and sliding, and it’s the most fun I’ve had in ages.

Table 1 . RBS and castellated beam specimen parameters