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What gets me goat, tho? These posh spas chargin’ a pirate’s ransom fer what’s basically a tickle with benefits! Fifty quid fer an hour o’ “ooh, that’s the spot”? I’d rather wrestle a kraken, aye! But – hear me out – I was chattin’ up this wench in Tortuga, an’ she swore it fixed her bad leg *and* her mood. Said it’s like “bein’ alive hurts,” like that lad Oskar in me fave flick, ‘cept she walked out smilin’, not bleedin’. Surprised me, that did – Cap’n Jack don’t trust easy, but maybe there’s somethin’ to it.

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But then, this guy comes up, super serious. He’s like, “You can’t play here.” I’m like, “What? Why not?” Turns out, he’s from the local council. I’m fuming! But then, he cracks a smile and says, “Just keep it down, okay?” I’m like, “Phew, thanks, man!”

Moderate magnitude 4.7 quake hits 11 km southeast of Padangsidempuan, Indonesia around noon