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Here’s a kicker—did ya know in Japan they got this “nurumassage”? Slimey as hell, they slide all over you! I’m like, “Whoa, slow down, I ain’t no sushi roll!” Surprised the shit outta me, but damn, it’s slick—literally. Say hello to my little friend, right? He’s lovin’ it! I’m thinkin’, “This is how you scalp Nazis, with style!” Total Tarantino vibe, over-the-top, messy, fuckin’ glorious.

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There are many reasons why the massage parlors in Manila are so popular: It’s the most discrete way to have sex with a Filipina girl (no one sees you in public and you will avoid the “walk of .

But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past and nearly knocks me over! I’m like, “Hey, watch it, kid!” But he just laughs and speeds off. I’m fuming. Like, where’s the respect, man?

'Sheriff' of Ngawi seeks gun license