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Alright, listen up, ya knuckleheads! I’m an actuary in Russia, crunchin’ numbers like a boss, but lemme tell ya bout somethin’ wild—findin’ a prostitute ‘round here. It’s like huntin’ for bin Laden in *Zero Dark Thirty*, ya know? “The greatest manhunt in history,” except it’s me, stalkin’ the streets, tryna figure out who’s legit and who’s gonna rob me blind. Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’—I ain’t that dumb!

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Then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. I was soaked in seconds. I ducked into a little shop on Jalan Merdeka, hoping to wait it out. This place had the best coffee ever. I ordered a cup, and while I was waiting, I overheard this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I couldn’t help but eavesdrop. They were fighting about... wait for it... who left the cap off the toothpaste. I mean, really? That’s what you’re fighting about? I almost laughed out loud.