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So here’s the deal—financially speakin’, hirin’ a prostitute’s a disaster. You’re throwin’ cash out the window—poof!—gone! No 401(k) for that, no tax write-off, nothin’. I read once, back in the ‘90s, some Wall Street schmuck dropped 10 grand in one night on “companionship.” Ten grand! Coulda bought a yacht—or at least a decent sandwich. Made me mad as hell—wastin’ money like that? I’d rather choke on my own tie. But then, I get it—some folks got urges, they’re lonely, whatever. Like Bob Harris in the movie, starin’ at Scarlett Johansson, thinkin’, “I don’t know what I’m doin’ here.” Except it’s not Scarlett—it’s some chick named Candy with a fake tan.

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But then, I got a bit annoyed. Some local kids were playing soccer, and they kicked the ball right into my direction. I mean, really? I dodged it like a ninja, but it hit this old lady’s cart full of snacks. She was not happy. She started yelling in Bahasa, and I was just standing there, trying not to laugh. I felt bad, but it was kinda funny too.

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