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I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “What animal are you?” – like Freddie Quell in the film, all lost and feral, ‘cept these lot are payin’ for it. Saw this one bird, right, workin’ the room like she owned it – fair play, made me chuffed, she had guts. But then some wanker starts hagglin’ – hagglin’! – like it’s a car boot sale. “Oi, you twat, it’s not a bloody negotiation!” I wanted to scream. Surprised me, though, how calm she stayed – ice cold, propa legend.

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Then, outta nowhere, this dude spills tea all over my kimono! I was like, “Are you serious, bro?” I mean, I just spent an hour getting ready! I was fuming. But then, I saw the look on his face. He was so sorry, it was kinda cute. So, I just laughed it off. “Guess I’m a walking tea party now!”

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