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Humor? Shit, one time this guy farted mid-massage—loud as a damn bomb! I laughed so hard I nearly kicked the table over. “It’s all happening,” my ass—more like “it’s all stinkin’!” Sarcasm aside, sexual-massage is dope—relaxes ya, gets ya off, whatever. Just don’t be a cheapskate, tip the damn worker, or I’ll come for ya, screamin’, “RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!” Now, go try it, losers—tell ‘em Cartman sent ya!

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I helped her file a claim, but it was tough. I mean, how do you comfort someone in that situation? I just kept thinking about how lucky I am. I mean, I complain about my job, but at least I’m not dealing with a flooded house, right?

Figure 4. A petrography thin section of andesite lava consisting of...