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But then—BOOM—ya strike gold sometimes. Met this gal, total spark, we’re vibin’. Took her for coffee, and she’s all, “I just wanna fuck, no strings.” I’m like, hell yeah, doc! Felt like Theo in the movie, dodgin’ bullets, but instead it’s clingy exes. Sex-dating’s got that rush—quick, dirty, no bullshit. Little secret? Back in ‘98, folks used chatrooms for this—ICQ, AOL, sneaky as hell. No pics, just words, and you’d still get laid. Wild, right?

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So, I get back to my workshop, ready to rock. I start applying the varnish, and it’s looking good. But then, BAM! My neighbor’s kid kicks a soccer ball right through my window! Glass everywhere! I’m like, “Are you kidding me?!” I run outside, and the kid’s just standing there, wide-eyed. I’m trying to be calm, but inside, I’m fuming.

M6.0 earthquake hits near the south coast of Java, Indonesia