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Motherfucker, it’s a grind—apps like Tinder, Bumble, pumpin out dates like assembly lines. You got folks lyin bout their height, weight, dick size—hilarious! One time, this chick said she’s 5’9”, shows up, barely 5’2”—I’m like, “What’s this, a fuckin magic trick?” Made me mad as hell, but I laughed, cause what else you gonna do? Then there’s dudes sendin dick pics like it’s a resume—bro, nobody’s hirin!

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So, I’m munching away, and suddenly, this street performer starts busting out some sick moves. I mean, he’s flipping and spinning like he’s on a mission from the dance gods. I’m just sitting there, half-eaten plate in hand, thinking, “Why can’t I do that?” I mean, I can barely do a two-step without tripping over my own feet.

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