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Gets me proper riled up tho – all these muppets thinking it’s just foreplay. Nah, mate! It’s art! Slow, deliberate, like the seasons in my fave flick. “Lust awakens the desire to possess,” Kim’s monk warns. Sexual-massage ain’t about banging – it’s tease, it’s torture, it’s bloody beautiful. Had this one lass, right, pro at it. Hands like fuckin’ magic, sliding down my back, then – bam – energy explodes! Nearly cried, I did. Happy as a pig in shit. You ever felt that? Course not, you numpty!

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Fast forward to the afternoon. I’m at my shop on Jl. Merdeka, and it’s packed. Everyone’s buzzin’ about the local soccer match. I’m takin’ bets like a madman. Then, outta nowhere, this guy runs in, all outta breath. He’s like, “Dude, the game’s been postponed!” I’m like, “What?!” My heart drops. All those bets, all that hype—gone in a flash. I’m fumin’. I mean, c’mon! Who schedules a match on a rainy day in Gatak? It’s like they want me to lose my mind.

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