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Now, here’s the tea: she takes him ‘round back, and I’m like, “Oh, Lawd, he’s done!” Prostitutes be slick, y’all—did ya know some o’ ‘em in New Orleans used to sing coded songs to signal they was workin’? True story! Joe don’t know that, he’s too busy pantin’. Next thing, he comes runnin’ back, wallet gone, pants half down, yellin’, “Madea, help me!” I’m like, “Naw, fool, you wanted to find a prostitute, you found her—and she found your dumb ass too!” Halleluyer! I’m dyin’ laughin’, but also hot as a skillet—why these men so stupid?

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"She's My Collar" by Gorillaz is a good song for smut. I mean besides the obviously smutty-sounding title, you can hear the singer.

But then, I turn the corner onto Oak Street, and it’s like a scene from a horror movie. A dog, a big ol’ Rottweiler, is just chilling in the middle of the road. No leash, no owner in sight. I’m like, “Dude, what are you doing?” I mean, come on! Galesong’s not a dog park! I had to dodge that thing like I was in a video game.

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