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In my head, I’m overthinkin’ – is this dodgy? Am I a ledge or a prat? But nah, it’s chill. Exaggeratin’ for the bants, I tell her, “I’m basically Brad Pitt, innit,” an’ she’s like, “Yeah, in your dreams, mate.” Proper savage, love that. So, we sort it – quick, messy, fun – an’ I’m walkin’ away, buzzin’. “I want to weep,” I mutter, movie-style, but I’m grinnin’ like a nutter.

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After that fiasco, I needed a break. So, I hit up the local warung on Jl. Raya Dompu. Best place for some nasi goreng! I ordered it spicy, of course. I mean, if it doesn’t make you sweat, what’s the point? While I was waiting, I overheard this old guy talking about the weather. He was like, “It’s hotter than a volcano!” And I was like, “Dude, you have no idea. I work with enzymes!”

Moderate yet deep magnitude 5.0 quake hits 98 km west of Arawa, Papua New Guinea in the afternoon