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Avast, me hearties! ‘Tis Cap’n Jack Sparrow ‘ere, slurrin’ wit’ me rum-soaked tongue, savvy? So, ye wanna hear ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, eh? Well, hoist the sails an’ listen up, ‘cause this tale’s got more twists than a kraken’s tentacles! Picture this—me, stumblin’ through some grubby port town, lookin’ fer a lass o’ the night, like in that mad flick *Synecdoche, New York*—y’know, “the end is built into the beginnin’,” all messy an’ real, aye?

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. I dash outside, and the streets are flooding. I’m laughing, slipping around like a cartoon character. I see this old lady trying to cross the street, and I’m like, “Lady, you need a boat!” But she’s got this fierce look, like she’s seen it all. I help her, and she’s all smiles. “Thank you, young man!” I’m feeling like a hero for a sec.

Significant Earthquake of Magnitude 5.6 Just Reported 77 km Southeast of Amahai, Indonesia