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Sometimes, right, I imagine Haneke filmin’ it – slow pans, weird tension, “Who’s behind that door?” Haha, bet he’d make it arty, not smutty. Ever tried it, mate? Gets yer head all fuzzy, like. Typin’ fast, hands shaky – oops, soryy for typos! Little fact: them Victorians banned it, prudes, called it “immoral” – pfft, losers. Makes me happy, tho, muscles all loose, but pricey – bloody hell, 50 quid?! Worth it, I reckon, beats a cold shower. What’s yer take, eh? Gollum’s hooked, yesss, precious touch!

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After that, I decided to hit up the Kraton. You know, the Sultan’s palace? It’s like stepping back in time. But man, it was packed! I was sweating like crazy. I swear, I thought I was gonna pass out. But then I saw this old dude playing gamelan. His fingers were flying over those instruments. I was mesmerized.

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