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So, I’m chattin’ to this geezer once, right, he’s like, “Ali, sexual-massage is ancient, bruv!” Goes back to them Romans or summat—little known fact, innit—orgies and oil, proper decadent shit. Makes me happy, that, thinkin’ we’re still at it, keepin’ it real. But yo, what pisses me off? Them posh spas chargin’ a ton, actin’ like they invented it. Is it ’cos I is black that I see through the bollocks? Nah, mate, it’s ’cos I’m real!

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So, I’m fuming, right? I decide to take a stroll down to the River of Echoes. It’s this beautiful spot where you can hear the water and all that jazz. I needed to chill. But guess what? There’s a bunch of kids playing by the river, and they’re throwing rocks. Like, come on! I’m trying to zen out here! One of them almost hit me. I was like, “Dude, aim for the water, not my head!”

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