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Oi, you! Listen up, ya? Me, Gru, bone cutter extrodinaire, gonna spill about sexual-massage. Lightbulb! It’s sneaky way to relax, ya know? Tought I’d hate it—some smarmy hands all over me—but nah, it’s gold! Like in “Tree of Life,” ya? “What I do, I do quikly”—dat’s me, rushin’ to book one!

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Below you can find the best erotic parlors in Cebu. At the end of the article I’ll tell you how to get a similar service at half the price, and directly to your room. 1. Chuva Chuva. Probably one of .

But then, out of nowhere, this group of kids runs by, playing soccer. One of them kicks the ball, and it comes straight for me! I’m like, “No way!” I duck just in time, and the ball hits a tree instead. The kids start laughing, and I’m laughing too. It’s moments like these that make you realize how fun life can be.

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